Exclusive Interview with Rudy Simone
Rudy Simone is the author of 22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome, published by Jessica Kingsley Publishers. Rudy Simone is a writer and Asperger's Syndrome educator who lives in Western New York.
How did you first become involved in your work with Asperger’s Syndrome?
I was in a relationship with a man who was displaying some pretty hard to figure out behaviors and while I have plenty of those behaviors myself it’s much easier to see the quirks and anomalies in others. A family member mentioned that he thought my boyfriend had a mild autism which led me to do some research and the first things I discovered were books by Maxine Aston, Sarah Hendrickx and Barbara Jacobs as well as several websites on Aspergers. Every single thing they said just fit my man and my relationship to a ‘t’. I then started on a journey of discovery about Aspergers and I slowly came to be aware that I was on the spectrum myself and I've since had that confirmed. It became a round-the-clock obsession with me and I started a website called help4aspergers.com as a resource for people on the spectrum and their loved ones. I solicited interviews with people through that website and through my Youtube videos and in other ways and I just started asking them about their relationships. I talked to men with AS and I got their opinions on different aspects of relationships. While I was doing that I found out about the unemployment issue—the rate is thought to be as high as 85% for those with ASDs so I started on my 2nd book “Working with Aspergers: an essential guide” and now I’m already on to a third. In true Aspergian fashion I have become very focused and driven and I really want to be a force for change in the world of Autism spectrum disorders. I now give lectures and train staff at autism centers.
Your new book is called 22 Things a Woman Must Know If She Loves a Man with Asperger’s Syndrome. Is there anything a man with Asperger’s Syndrome should know if he loves a neurotypical woman?
Well yes there’s lots he should know! I’m not neurotypical but I am a woman and I would say that many AS women will still have certain romantic expectations. Possibly a lot of that is social conditioning; many of us possess a very naïve Jane Austen/Walt Disney approach to love. Much of what he would want to know about dating any woman would be found in my book 22 Things. There are things that she’s going to want from him and he’s not going to know what they are or why they are necessary so he needs to do his research. It’s like if you’re going to another country-- you want to do a little investigation before you go, so that you know what the customs, rituals and expectations are. There are differences between men and women to begin with, but I also firmly believe that people with ASDs are a subculture. The more I get involved in this world the more I realize that. If we’re going to co-mingle, cohabitate and coexist, we really have to engage in an ongoing cultural exchange of ideas and traits and be very open-minded and willing to listen to one another and to try participating in the other sides’ cultural activities and norms.
If you could only give one piece of advice to women in a relationship with a man with Asperger syndrome what would it be?
I would say ‘love yourself as much as you love him’. He’s going to have so many wonderful qualities (because people with Aspergers do!) that you will fall in love with. He will also seem vulnerable in many ways and because women are caretakers you’re going to have this tendency to be motherly and to sometimes ignore your own needs--this applies to AS women as well because we tend to do the same stuff. Love yourself as much as you love him --that’s the advice my own man gave me.
Who or what most inspires you?
I am inspired by the people that I talk to all the time that have ASDs. They inspire me when they’re down because I want to help them and I can’t rest until I’ve made some kind of difference in the world. They inspire me when they’re thriving and successful; that gives me hope, because I too still struggle daily with trying to get along in this world. So we’re all in this together, pulling each other up. There’s a wonderful burgeoning sense of community in the world of ASDs which is amazing because of the isolation inherent in autism.
What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?
I work about 12-14 hours a day writing, marketing, planning lectures, updating my website, so I don’t have much of it. I watch films. Like a lot of people with autism spectrum disorders I'm not terribly good around others for long periods of time so I tend to need to unwind and just zone out with a film. But I love getting physical exercise so I tend to do a little roller blading with my dogs. That’s about it; I’m a pretty simple person. I’d like to say that I was a mountain climber or something but I’m not really all that adventurous. Before I knew I had AS, I did travel the world in search of belonging, but that was pretty overwhelming as you can imagine due to sensory and social issues. Now I tend to just hang out on my deck in nature and remember all the beautiful places I’ve been – including England and Wales where I lived for many years.
Copyright © Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2009
22 Things a Woman Must Know: If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome was released last month and is available for purchase. See the below link for more details.
More details of the book
JKP News
Teacher's TV interviewed Linda Goldman on 17th June for her book Great Answers to Difficult Questions About Death: What Children Need to Know. Watch the full interview on the Teacher's TV website.
This month Bible Stories in Cockney Rhyming Slang by Keith Park has featured in: The Daily Mail, The Telegraph, on the BBC London News and the BBC London Radio Sunday Programme.
An article on Different Dads: Fathers' Stories of Parenting Disabled Children, will be featuring this month in Foreword Magazine.
Autism in the news - some of the articles in the media this month
An article in The Independent made claims that the number of autism sufferers may be up to 50 per cent higher putting pressure on services.
BBC News interviewed a former chairman of the British Medical Association, who has called for the MMR jab to be made compulsory.
A BBC health reporter published an article on how thousands of people with autism in England are failing to get the diagnosis and specialist help that they need.
The Daily Bulletin has revealed a shocking update on how autism affects one in 100 five to nine year olds.
This month's author feature:
A New Era of Hope
by JKP author Dr Barbara Firestone
In my book Autism Heroes, I shared the experiences of 38 families to bring a message of hope and support to other families on the journey, and talked about the changing landscape of autism. The momentum in the field has never been greater than it is today.
Important history is in the making, as science, best practices in education and treatment, advocacy, public awareness and public policy endeavors expand and intensify. Such is the case with the momentum of early identification and intervention efforts that hold significant promise for children and families.
Current research reveals that autism can be reliably diagnosed in many children between 18 and 24 months of age by an experienced clinician, and that some of the early signs are recognizable within the first year of life. Given the plasticity of the developing brain of a young child, there is a window of opportunity when intensive intervention can have a significant and positive impact for many children. However, recent studies confirm that the average age of diagnosis is between 3 and 6 years of age, and varies with families’ socio-demographic characteristics. That’s why it is imperative that we do all that we can to ensure that children are diagnosed as early as possible and are given the educational and therapeutic opportunities to enable them to realize their fullest potential.
As part of its early identification and intervention agenda, The Help Group is committed to providing a wide-range of awareness programs and parent & professional training opportunities. A snapshot of our efforts in April, National Autism Awareness Month features our Learn the Early Signs ~ There is Hope & Help Campaign in English and Spanish. Elected officials, corporate friends, public libraries, and media advocates joined The Help Group in spreading this important information. Autism Heroes, the one-hour ABC7 special, based on my book, was broadcast for the second consecutive year. Gary Cole, parent and Help Group Celebrity Spokesperson, featured in the special made the case when he said, “As soon as we started to get information, it got better: more information equals less fear.”
In response to the emerging body of research in early intervention, The Help Group established its Young Learners Preschool for Autism in 2002. This innovative and intensive, six-hour per day program for children ages 3 to 5 offers a highly individualized curriculum based on best practices. Joanne Palmer, a parent featured in Autism Heroes, whose son Carson graduated from Young Learners, poignantly said, “Early intervention has given our child back to us – a child who’s happy and has a great future.”
Although the emphasis on basic research is extremely important, there is a growing demand to accelerate applied research. The Help Group - UCLA Autism Research Alliance, established in 2007, is dedicated to enhancing and expanding clinical research in the education and treatment. For example, one of its studies is exploring the effects of joint attention and symbolic play activities on language development in preschool children. Research programs such as the Alliance will the increase the body of knowledge and evidence based best practices to improve outcomes for children.
To help keep autism high on the list of California’s priorities, I joined California Senate President pro Tem, Darrell Steinberg and a contingent of Senators at a recent press conference at the State Capitol to announce the formation of the Senate Select Committee on Autism and Related Disorders. The Committee will build on the trailblazing work of the three-year California Legislative Blue Ribbon Commission on Autism, which I had the privilege to Vice-Chair along with Sen. Steinberg who served as its Chair. The Committee will address early identification and intervention as one of its four major areas of emphasis.
Dr. Louis Vismara, Autism Heroes parent and senior policy advisor to Sen. Steinberg, speaks to the heart of the matter. “The first message that I would share with parents of young children with autism is one of hope. In the 12 years since my son’s diagnosis, there have been exponential changes in terms of what we understand about autism—the science behind it, the interventions, and the treatments. It’s so encouraging to see autism begin to receive the support it deserves. It’s the beginning, the tip of the iceberg.”
The forces for change are strong and palpable – signaling a new era hope for children and families living with autism.
www.thehelpgroup.org
The Help Group
The Help Group was founded in 1975, and serves children with a wide range of special needs related to autism, Asperger's disorder, learning disabilities, ADHD, mental retardation, abuse and emotional problems. It is the largest, most innovative and comprehensive nonprofit organisations of its kind in the United States.
Recognised as a leader in the field of autism, it offers extensive special education, therapy and assessment services. The Help Group educates over 850 students on a daily basis in its innovative autism day schools.
Through its public awareness, professional training and parent education programmes and efforts at the state and national levels, The Help Group touches the lives of children with special needs across the country and in other parts of the world.
www.thehelpgroup.org
Copyright © Jessica Kingsley Publishers 2009
Dr. Barbara Firestone is the author of Autism Heroes: Portraits of Families Meeting the Challenge ®. See the below link for more details.
More details of the book
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Content links
JKP Autism books
22 Things a Woman Must Know:
If She Loves a Man with Asperger's Syndrome
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Can the World Afford Autistic Spectrum Disorder?
Nonverbal Communication, Asperger Syndrome and the Interbrain
Digby Tantam
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The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome:
Tony Attwood
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First Steps in Intervention with Your Child with Autism:
Frameworks for Communication
Phil Christie, Elizabeth Newson, Wendy Prevezer and Susie Chandler
Illustrated by Pamela Venus
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The Imprinted Brain:
How Genes Set the Balance Between Autism and Psychosis
Christopher Badcock
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Authentic Dialogue with Persons who are Developmentally Disabled:
Sad Without Tears
Jennifer Hill
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Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety:
A Guide to Successful Stress Management
Nick Dubin
Foreword by Valerie Gaus
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Coach Yourself Through the Autism Spectrum
Ruth Knott Schroeder
Foreword by Linda Miller
COMING SOON
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Getting to Grips with Asperger Syndrome:
Understanding Adults on the Autism Spectrum
Carol Hagland
COMING SOON
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Group Interventions for Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders:
A Focus on Social Competency and Social Skills
Albert J. Cotugno
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Attention and Listening in the Early Years:
Sharon Garforth
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Art as an Early Intervention Tool for Children with Autism
Nicole Martin
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The Asperger Couple's Workbook:
Practical Advice and Activities for Couples and Counsellors
Maxine Aston
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Counselling for Asperger Couples
Barrie Thompson
Foreword by Steve Bagnall
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Autism Heroes:
Portraits of Families Meeting the Challenge
Barbara Firestone, Ph.D.
Forewords by Teddi Cole and Gary Cole and Catherine Lord, Ph.D.
Photographs by Joe Buissink
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